What Was, What Is, What Could Be: Moving from Isolation and Survival, to Connection and Thriving

Ajay Sood, a three-time MenHealing Weekend of Recovery Alumni, knows what it’s like to walk the painful process of recovery from sexual harm. 

“I come from a culture in India where [sexual harm] is rarely talked about,” he said, “where silence and normalization are very prevalent.”

Visibility makes all the difference, as does coming to terms with the abuse sooner or later.

“[Survivors] get so used to our defenses, reactions, and how we live our lives with the aches and pains and fight-or-flight response,” Ajay said. “Until they are addressed, these deep-seated behaviors can fester.” 

Oftentimes, he added, the full effects of trauma aren’t revealed until one reaches inward and works through them. 

“We don’t realize until we start facing sexual harm, the way it impacts our lives,” Ajay said. “It can keep us from fully realizing parts of ourselves and living in ways that might otherwise have been possible.”

The challenge morphs into a matter of moving past survival, and towards a place where trauma can coexist with thriving.

“Obviously, [the trauma] can’t go away completely,” he said. “It becomes part of your history, but the question is how to live with it and not let it define you.”

Ajay found a hint to his answer in 2013 after discovering our Weekend of Recovery (WOR) program online, looking for resources to abate the devastating impacts of abuse that can overwhelmingly dominate survivors’ lives. 

“I was at a point where I was struggling hard to find a solution on what next to do, so something had to give,” Ajay said. “MenHealing became part of that process of moving forward.”

While he was “really petrified” of what the WOR would entail, that first Weekend became the most memorable for him. Starting the retreat by sitting with other male survivors in total silence, Ajay said the quiet spoke volumes.

“Suddenly you’re in a group of 25, 30 people from very diverse backgrounds, with everybody having the same shared experience,” he recalled. “It’s very emotional, and very liberating also, which formalized my own healing journey in many ways.”

New relations with survivors and MenHealing’s trained staff, plus small group exercises that built recovery skills, helped Ajay form a support network even after the conclusion of his Weekends (he’s been close friends with a man from his first retreat, over 13 years ago!) 

Had he not attended the transformational WORs, Ajay said the process forward would have moved in a different, less effective way. 

“The Weekends remove the isolation, which is a big thing when you’re impacted by sexual harm—especially with men,” he said. “It’s very important for that void to be filled with people who have experienced this [healing] process and pathway.”

Regardless of a specific timeline, profession, or background, Ajay believes survivors need to face the trauma from sexual harm eventually; A successful career as a physician was his shelter for many years.

“I’m better off now than I was 10, 15 years ago, and stronger in many ways,” he said. “For me, healing has come through good relationships, professional and personal. To have a community, be grounded, and connect with grounded, stable people is very impactful.”

This evolution hasn’t been a straightforward path, Ajay clarified, but rather one that’s real. There was no singular point where suddenly a switch changed everything for him, but resources for male survivors, like MenHealing, make the journey possible.