Partners In Healing

Bill, a five-time MenHealing Weekend of Recovery Alumni, and his partner Rachel have built a bond that loves one another, no matter the circumstances. 

“The biggest thing drawing me to her is her sensitive-ness and her willingness to write things out, literally take out a pen and paper and write her sensitivities out,” Bill said. “She’s very kind and compassionate.”

Married for 28 years, the couple met in high school. After, when they reconnected, Bill became a volunteer firefighter for hazardous duty: deployed as search and rescue when people were trapped in blazes. 

“I always thought that was very cool,” Rachel said. “He likes to help others, he’s also very sensitive, and is generally just a great guy to be around.” 

They’ve resided in Pennsylvania their entire lives, which partly prompted Bill to begin his healing journey: from 2008 to 2012, national news brought attention to young boys who had experienced sexual harm by now-convicted Jerry Sandusky, who coached football at Penn State University.

“I had been upset with the Jerry Sandusky trials, and then that brought forth a lot of memories,” Bill said. “Being in Pennsylvania, it [hit] pretty close to home.”

In 2019, he attended his first Weekend of Recovery in Hope Springs, OH.

“The Weekends have been a profound part [of my recovery],” Bill said. “They've been very transformative in unexpected ways and tremendously helpful in the healing process as a whole; I've learned to experience joy.”

Each of these healing retreats for male survivors and their partners offer a different theme. Most recently, Bill and Rachel attended a Weekend as partners in healing, focused on building compassionate strength and pathways to healthier connections with friends, loved ones, and strangers. 

A major motivator for Rachel joining this retreat was to send a message:

“I just wanted him to know that he was never alone in his healing journey,” she said. “I wanted to see what he enjoyed about the Weekends, and learn how I can move forward in helping him and his healing—that was always the hardest part: not knowing.”

The retreat created opportunities for partners to connect with partners, and survivors to heal in community together, through small group exercises.

“It was refreshing to know that there are other partners in my position, and see the different dynamics each partner was feeling with their survivor-partners,” Rachel said. “Having a support system in place is definitely positive, and staying in touch with the partners that I met at the Weekend will help me stay grounded.”

The two went home with unique takeaways to incorporate into their relationship: patience, open communication, and a shared understanding of what each other needs for support.

“I wasn't sure how she was going to take the [Weekend of Recovery] experience, but we came home and she said she wishes she could go back, and I didn't want to come home,” Bill said.

Both Rachel and Bill encourage other survivor-partner couples to dedicate a time and space for healing in tandem.

“Anyone that’s hesitating to attend a Weekend should absolutely go and trust the process. Openness and honesty is really important,” Bill said. Rachel added: “And maybe you’ll take some pointers on how to be supportive further down the road and into the future to find more healing.”