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I’ve come to believe that a healing journey is like dealing with the death of a loved one. The pain never entirely goes away. However, the pain can be lessened over time as we relearn to embrace life more fully.
My healing journey began four years ago. During COVID, I was an elected school board member. We struggled as a board with how to manage school, while protecting children’s health and that of others in the community. Yet, so many parents were upset, angry, and vocal about the disruption of their children’s education. This was understandable.
But the anger expressed in phone calls, emails, and meetings led to nightmares, many of which were extremely disturbing because they dealt with my sexual abuse and assaults, which I had effectively buried for years. In my mind, I flirted with suicidal thoughts, but I couldn’t inflict pain on my wife and son. So I began looking for a therapist.
Finding a good therapist can be difficult. I had already spent years in and out of therapy believing that there was something wrong with me, but never able to bring up my sexual abuse and assaults. Most of the time, the memories were so buried that I couldn’t face them anyway.
But, I eventually found someone experienced with PTSD. She also had heard of MenHealing and suggested that I learn more, which I did. Between a really good therapist who has helped me face what happened to me as a child and young person—and MenHealing—I have made so much progress.
I’ve attended three Weekends of Recovery (WOR) already. I’ve also benefited tremendously from a MenHealing peer-facilitated support group. I’ve recognized that my relationships with other men have always been tinged by distrust, because my abusers were men.
I’ve also seen the tender and vulnerable side of other men, so many of whom have had experiences like mine. My third WOR was sponsored jointly by MenHealing and Taking Back Ourselves, which focuses on women and non-binary individuals. It was so helpful to see how suffering is something shared – it doesn’t depend on gender.
I began doing what I call “photo art” during my recovery. I’ve learned to look beneath the surface of what I see when I use the camera, looking for interesting angles or details that may otherwise go unnoticed. Then I often crop my photos to focus on particular dimensions, and run them through filters to adjust color and light, creating juxtapositions and viewpoints that are interesting.
Some of my work, I would describe as minimalist and some is simply an exploration of detail and color, including black and white. As a pastime, the artwork is relaxing.
Looking beyond what I think I see in the everyday world has become an important aid to my recovery work also. Though it’s hard to think of myself as an artist, I’ve held one show and display my work on Instagram under the handle @fotosculpture.
